being committed and monogamous but not using titles?
I mean, what’s the point?
You are only dating that person. That person is only dating you. Yall talk everyday, see each other several times a week, have sleepovers. You hold hands and sneak kisses in public. Your friends have meet them, and you’ve met their friends. Even your Mom has heard about this person multiple times.
So why exactly is your reason for not throwing a title on it?
I didn’t even know folks did this until I talked to a friend of mine on FB. We were chatting & I asked him about his lovelife, where he gushed (yes men gush, its not just for chicks) about his SO. I referred to her as his gf & he was quick to correct me, and that left me scratching my head. For the record, we’re talking about a 30-year-old man here who got upset cause I called his SO his girlfriend. For realz?
His explanation was that when you get titles involved then folks expect certain behavior. Specifically he mentioned women expecting their boyfriends to be mind readers. I pondered that one for a minute. I’ve never expected a man to know what I was thinking or to anticipate my needs just because he was my boyfriend. I would hope that someone I spent a lot of time with would be observant enough to get an idea about the types of things I did and did not like, but to expect them to know what I wanted at all times? No way. That’s not fair at all.
In any event, I can’t relate to the “titles screw everything up so let’s just avoid them” thing. It just seems like a recipe for disaster. I can just see the convo now:
Her: I can’t believe you were out with that other chick!
Him: What don’t you
Her: We’re a couple, you cheated on me!
Him: We’ve just been
humping hanging outdating. You not my girl
& I’m not your man.
Her: *face cracked* But we spend so much time
together! We aren’t dating other people!
You told me you lovedYou told me you cared!
Him: *shrugs* I’ll holla at you later.
See where I’m going with this? Just seems like a bad idea all the way around. Me, I like clarity & clear boundaries. And equity & equality. We both decide what behavior is acceptable so there is no confusion later. For example, I’ve been dating the same guy for about 4 months. We haven’t had “the talk” yet, therefore, I wouldn’t be pissed if he was dating someone else. Should we have “the talk” and decide to become a monogamous couple, I wouldn’t expect him to anticipate my every need and desire, that would be just silly. What grown person does that? Last I checked, we are were grown and knew how to use our mouths (
some better than others) so why are some folks expecting their SO’s to be mind readers?
Has anyone done the “we’re a couple in every way but we don’t do titles” thing? Can you explain the reasoning to me? How did it work out?