A Place I Never Thought I Would Be

It’s been so long since I’ve written, I don’t even know where to begin! How do you share everything that has happened in three months, when so much has happened during that time?

I suppose I can start with the biggest and best thing to ever happen to me – I GOT MARRIED! I still can’t believe that it happened! Over the years I used this space to share my fears and worries over ending up an old maid, and in the end, that wasn’t my destiny. In the end, the Universe conspired to bring me my hearts desire, a man who is my perfect complement, who loves me 100% for who and what I am today. Some days I just stare at him and thank the Universe for bringing me what I truly wanted, because for a long time I felt that it would never happen. Not only did it happen, but it all came together so perfectly, so beautifully, that it had to be divinely inspired.

Yes I have the largest smile in the world here...wouldn't you?
Yes I have the largest smile in the world here…wouldn’t you?

Leading up to the wedding, I had some anxiety about our wedding being good enough. Good enough is a concept I continue to wrestle with, though I’ve found that it doesn’t have the same hold on me that it once did. In the end, the time spent planning our perfect wedding (perfect for us that is) was worth it, but the anxiety was not. I married the man of my dreams in front of my family and friends, and had a ball celebrating with them, and it all felt so perfect. I felt beautiful, despite not losing the weight I wanted to lose. Our venue was gorgeous, though we opted for the smaller space than the larger one. Our guests enjoyed our cocktail hour and dinner selections, and we didn’t need the huge spread of expensive options. A small piece of me wonders if our wedding is good enough to be featured on my favorite wedding blogs or in the wedding magazines I bought religiously, but in the end, none of that matters. When I think of my wedding day, all I remember is the joy, the smiles, the happiness, and the love that surrounded us. 

And now here I find myself with a husband – A HUSBAND! How it happen? Why it happen? LOL

Outside of my marriage bliss, I’ve settled into my new job, which I started in October. I like this role much more, mostly because I work with a good team, I have supportive managers, and I am empowered to make decisions. While my job is good, my confidence in my company is not high. Layoffs tend to have that effect, especially when they seem to be done indiscriminately and disproportionately affect women and minorities in the company. It’s hard to feel optimistic about my future, or even that my work is making a difference. It’s a confusing, difficult time, but I appreciate that I have a husband who supports me through the craziness.

And so…here I am. Back to writing!