Am I Shallow?

This past weekend I was told that I only date dark-skinned men and that I shun light-skinned men.

Background: My mom was in town for the weekend, so I invited my soror T and my good friend LM to join us for dinner at Kobe (yum!). At dinner somehow the topic of who I go out with came up, and both of my friends and my mom all I agreed that I don’t date light-skinned men.

I was floored. I insisted they were wrong. So then they started rattling off all the guys I’ve dated in Orlando…I pictured each one in my mind and realized that there was not a man lighter than “brown-skinned” in the bunch.

Damn, they are right. At least when it comes to my dating history in Orlando. At least that’s how I tried to spin it.

But then my mom brought up guys I dated in Atlanta…and they were all brown-skinned or darker. Even CB was about my complexion, and you can’t really consider me light-skinned, I’m more like a caramel/peanut butter brown color. I would consider Moms to be light-skinned though.

Aight, so its official – I have been neglecting men on the lighter end of the brown spectrum.

But then I started really comtemplating the topic. I don’t think I’m color-struck, but am I subconciously deeming light-skinned men unacceptable?

I find some light-skinned men attractive, but I can admit that I tend to gravitate towards men who are my complexion and darker, strictly off physical looks. But WHY do I do it? Is it just what I’m wired to like? Is it the years of Pro-Black, “you better not bring home a White devil” lessons my father taught me? Am I subconciously thinking about the complexion of my future children? Or am I just shallow and/or color-struck, thinking that light-skinned = bad?

I can’t blame it on a boyfriend who did me wrong, cause thinking back I’ve never dated a light-skinned man.

Is it possible for someone to just be wired to like a certain thing, without it being shallow? Where do you draw the line? If you say having a skin color preference is acceptable, does that mean having an education level preference or income preference is also acceptable? Or a height requirement or minimum credit score?

I’ve always considered myself to not be a shallow person, but maybe I am. I hope not though. Shallow is ok when you just want to play the field and have fun, but I’m getting bored with that life. I’d like to be serious with someone, and you can’t choose a guy based on how much he makes, what he drives, or how tall he is. Choosing a guy should be about his character, his personality, his attributes and what he brings to my life, and you can’t really be shallow with that kind of stuff.

So what do you think, am I shallow? Are you shallow?

  • Shay

    I really don’t think you are being shallow. It’s not like you are searching out dark skinned men. I believe it has to do with wiring.

  • Anonymous

    I am the oppisite. but I have to admit I am color struck. I don’t date darkskin men anyone darker then me is cool to be friends with but not date. y? I don’t know it probably has a lot to do with being teased as a child abt my skin color.

  • Elliott

    Shallow.You’re limiting your opportunities to find something special.Had my parents shared the same views, I wouldn’t be here today. They were even rebellious and brushing aside societal taboo. It’s not so dangerous to do that anymore (interracial marriage), so you should take advantage of the equality that was fought for in generations past.The other side of this is what “race” or “culture” your genetic offspring will have. I’m biased, but I think the mixing of the races is what makes America the great nation that it is, and I think Obama is proof positive of that sentiment. For me, he’s not the first African-American president, he’s the first mixed race president.When (if?) me and my girlfriend have kids, they’re going to be cooky looking blue eyed, brown haired adorable little genetic experiments.The scientist in you should appreciate that much at least 🙂

  • Andrea

    I have reverse going on. I am completely attracted and would prefer a chocolate brother from milk all the way to dark chocolate but I tend to date mostly lighter men. Strange indeed for me.

  • Nathalie

    Hmmm, I think it’s all a matter of preference. Kind of like how straight people like the opposite sex….gays like the same-sex…It’s all just in your nature. I would suggest trying out a light-skinned brother to see how you like it though, it might be a nice change of pace.

  • .

    Nah everyone has there preference…

  • CreoleInDC

    You can date whomever you want to date. Anybody say anything different…tell them to pay all your bills for you. Bet they shut it quick.

  • shurgood

    How about you’re just dating guys that you like? There’s a thought….

  • I agree with CreoleInDC and shurgood….

    Either end of the brown spectrum is beautiful.

    🙂

  • Light Skin Men Just have to work harder to get some pussy from you… Point Blank… I love dark skin women…