Compatibility in Relationships, Part II

First, thank you so much to everyone who left their thoughts on yesterday’s post (and check it out if you didn’t get a chance to read it). I appreciate everyone’s thoughts & there were a lot of great points made.

Two comments really stood out to me, and sparked some additional questions/discussion.

First there was TheUndeniable’s comment:

So once I read TheUndeniable’s comment, I realized that I missed a crucial question – how do you define compatibility? Is it when you “click” with someone? Is it shared values/beliefs? Is it simply agreeing on things & getting along? Or is it all or a combination of things?

How exactly does one judge compatibility? Is it an overall ability to get along with someone? Compatibility is specific areas, like mentally, socially, spiritually, sexually, etc? Do you need all/most of them to be considered “compatible” with someone, or is the key to find someone who you are compatible with in the areas that are most important to you?

For me, compatibility is very important. Compatibility is an intangible connection; shared beliefs/life outlook, similar interests, an attraction/connection on a mental/personality/sexual level. Being able to “click” with someone right from the beginning is one of those things I look for. I like being on the same page with someone who shares my values, life outlook, etc. I definitely think compatibility in some areas are more important than others. Most important to me are emotional, mental/personality & sexual compatibility. With those in place, I think I could make a relationship work.

I’ve never been the type to go for a guy solely for his looks, and I haven’t really been into overly attractive, “pretty boy”-types. I tend to go for guys who have great personalities, who I “click” with, but are also attractive to me. I’ve met guys & thought “He’s not that cute”, but with time & the building of the friendship & the connection, he gained attractiveness. But of course there has to be a minimum level of physical attraction from the beginning; compatibility can’t make up for a complete lack of physical attraction, at least not for me. But I think I may be more forgiving in the attractiveness category than others, mostly because it’s never been at the top of my must-have list when dating someone.

And finally, I loved this comment from Joistyck:

Awwwwww…that’s sweet. And that’s the type of scenario I was thinking of when I posed the original question on Twitter. Two people meet and are able to figure out how right they are for each other, without a focus on the physical. I really think this happens a lot when folks interact on the Internets, whether it’s on message boards, Facebook, Twitter, blogs, etc.

I think a lot of times the physical gets in the way for a lot of folks. They can’t see past the pretty face or the banging body & really evaluate if they can truly deal with this person day in & day out. Can they truly enjoy their company, put up with their bullshit, and all that other stuff. A lot of folks just get blinded by the attraction & never consider the other stuff. Maybe its time they start.

Alright yall, time for Part II in the comments section! What areas of compatibility are important to you? How do you define compatibility? Can being compatible with someone take them from being a 4 to an 8 for you? Share!

  • Morning…

    I know if I am compatible with a person within the first 2 minutes of meeting them… I let my subconscious figure all of that out…

    I have seen how pretty people act because they have so many enablers… I tend to avoid them AND don’t want to the work to deal with a STUNNER of a female…
    At this moment, I said yesterday that my beauty threshold is close to the floor right now…

    Compatibility is everything…
    – Can I be a male, can she a female…. can we mix it up at time
    – Is she a thinker, or is she just ruled by her heart & p*ssy
    – Can she allow herself to be treated well… Is she healthy in those areas of mental, emotional, psychological, & sexual… etc…

    I like to be with a woman intimately in a highly harmonious situation…

  • LM

    The areas of compatibility that are most important to me are spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and sexually. Compatibility to me is being able to connect/relate in the areas previously listed.
    Do we click? Are we on the same page as it relates to my belief/value system?

    And yes compatibility can definitely increase one’s rating.