Marriage has been around since the beginning of time. And for thousands of years, marriage was mutually beneficial contract. Sometimes it was a tool to unite tribes/villages. Sometimes it was a vehicle to transfer wealth (think dowries or bride prices). It always served a purpose – women got financial security; men got domestic security; both parties could procreate in an “approved’ manner & continue to populate the Earth. This wasn’t about “love” or feelings – most people for thousands of years had no say in who they married, whether they were the poorest villager or a member of royalty. Marriage wasn’t about love, it was about securing your future & possibly the future of your family, village, or country.

Over the past 30 years, marriage has changed. We now live in a world where women not only outnumber men in college, but have shrunk the pay gap or exceeded men’s salaries in some industries. Men now know how to cook, clean, do laundry – or can afford to pay someone to do it for them. And the days of the shame of out-of-wedlock kids is long gone. So if you no longer have to get married to have someone to take care of you & have kids, what’s a reason to get married?

Love.

Or you’ve been together for 5 years & figure you should do it since you’ve been together so long.

Or you wanna have a day where people cater to your every demand.

Here’s my theory – marriages don’t work today because people don’t have a reason to stay together. We live in a world ruled by instant gratification & a lack of personal responsibility. If something doesn’t work for you, you get rid of it, whether it’s your fancy new phone..or your spouse. And why not? If you’re a woman with a career, do  you really need a husband? Sure it’s nice to have a ring & be able to say “my husband” every 5 seconds just to piss off the single chicks at work…but you enjoyed a nice lifestyle before the wedding. The men have it just as easy – you can either hire a housekeeper or turn up the charm & convince the 3 chicks you’re sleeping with to clean up your place & do your laundry. And as for the kids, well most of our kids are born into single parent homes, so hey, they’ll just fit in with the rest of the kids at their school if they come from a broken home.

So if you can do just fine by yourself, you don’t actually need the other party to survive or just avoid being shamed…what reason do you have to stay married? The minute it gets to be too much work or get on your nerves or just not being fun anymore, you can jump ship.

I believe marriages need to have more than just emotion or love attached to them. Sure it’s nice to care for the person you vow to spend the rest of your life with, but that’s not enough when it really gets rough. You need something that keeps you there. For some people, it’s their commitment. For others it’s their faith or religious ideology. Most people don’t have that tho, so they need something else to keep them tied to another person.

This is why we need more marriages based on compatibility & mutual benefit. Love is great, but love isn’t gonna help you get along. That’s where the compatibility part comes in. You need someone who you can talk to, communicate with, compromise with. If you gotta fight all the time or you never see eye-to-eye on things….yeah, yall aren’t compatible. But compatibility isn’t enough either, you need both parties to get something out this thing. Marriage should be a symbiotic relationship – both parties rely on each other & benefit, & without each other both would perish.

Most people choose their mate with their emotions instead of looking at things like compatibility & mutual benefit. When you get caught up in the lust, the sex, the butterflies, it’s hard to be objective & really evaluate someone. For many years, marriage were set up by others – family, matchmakers, etc. It even happens informally – how many couples do you know that started from a friend or family member putting two people together?

More people should allow the people who know them best into their decision on who to marry.

More people should choose a mate with their head instead of their heart.

But what do I know? I’m single.

Last Thursday I decided to embark on probably the hardest challenge of my life in the last 5 years – to complete the Green Bay Half-marathon. I’m both excited & extremely anxious all at the same time.

So why am I doing this race? It’s for a great cause – the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. I’ll be joining Team In Training (TNT) as we training towards the event. The great thing about training with TNT is there is tons of support – group runs twice a week, training schedules, and nutritional help as well.

My good friend BL, who is also participating with TNT for the second year in a row, lost her cousin to leukemia last year. So I’m raising money & doing the race in honor of my friend’s cousin.

I’ve got training support, and a great friend to do the race with. Now all I need is YOU. Your donations will help me reach my fundraising goal & make a difference to those with leukemia or lymphoma. Any amount that you can give is appreciated – thank you in advance! Check out my fundraising page here – Jubi’s Fundraising Page. Any amount is welcome & greatly appreciated.

I’ll be posting updates on training for the half-marathon…I can’t wait for this experience.  Will you join me?

Here’s the synopsis:

1944. As the war in Europe continues to take its toll on Allied forces, the Pentagon brass has no recourse but to consider unorthodox options — including the untried and untested African-American pilots of the experimental Tuskegee training program. Just as the young Tuskegee men are on the brink of being shut down and shipped back home, they are given the ultimate chance to show their courage. Against all the odds, with something to prove and everything to lose, these intrepid young airmen take to the skies to fight for their country — and the fate of the free world.

Unless you’ve been living underneath a rock, you’ve seen all the press & conversation that Red Tails has generated. Social media & the blogs have been abuzz with talk about the film. Folks have discussed everything from should Blacks support this film solely because it’s a Black film, to the difficulty of having a Black film made in Hollywood, regardless to who is attached. I’m going to give my thoughts on the film first, and then give my take on the controversy.

This film focuses on the combat aspect of the Tuskegee Airmen. This film has a lot of action scenes, complete with things blowing up & whatnot. When they aren’t in the air, the film highlights several storylines for the various men. And the racial tensions of the day also make their way into the story at various points.

I enjoyed the other story & plot, but there were a few things that made me groan inside. The biggest groan came from the storyline revolving around Joe Little & an Italian woman he fell for. I felt this piece was distracting & didn’t add anything to the film. And it wasn’t developed enough to use it as a selling point to woman as a “romantic” film. I would have left that part out. I also groaned a bit at some of the dialogue. Even with Aaron McGruder’s writing, some of the lines were corny or clearly “Hollywood” & inauthentic. Overall though, I feel the film did a decent job of trying to tell a variety of stories in a short amount of time, which is always hard to do with ensemble casts. I had some questions about some of the men, and a bit more character development would have been nice, but this film simply didn’t have time.

I thought film was shot well, especially the action scenes. And let’s be honest, this film is about the action. There’s a reason why this film focused on the flying & combat portion of the experience of the Tuskegee Airmen. The combat sequences were done using special effects but it didn’t feel over the top & unrealistic.

Overall, I enjoyed Red Tails. It did what it was supposed to do – entertain & also give a bit of history. I was already familiar with the story of the Tuskegee Airmen, so I wasn’t looking for this film to educate me. What I enjoyed most was simply seeing a film that was so full of Black actors, especially young Black actors. And even though I’m not a fan of Terrence Howard or Cuba Gooding, Jr, I enjoyed their performances.

Ok, now that I’ve finished the review part, here’s my thoughts on the controversy aspect. Leading up to this film, I saw lots of comments about the movie & whether or not Blacks should support it. I also saw a lot of reviews decreeing that this movie was the worst thing made since Soul Plane. Going in, I was nervous & hoping that this film was better than it was made out to be.

Is this the worst film ever? Nope. Is it the best film ever? Nope. I think it does a good job of staying in its lane. Red Tails has the unfortunate position of being both a film based in history and a Black film,  and both of those factors bring extra scrutiny & IMO unfair criticism. Anytime you have a film with a historical basis, you have the lens of history & historical analysis to view it from. No theatrical film is going to convey all the history of a subject or event – that’s what books, documentaries, etc are for. So Red Tails doesn’t deserve the criticism that it doesn’t tell the entire story of the Tuskegee Airmen – it was never meant to. It’s simply dramatizing one facet of that experience. As for the Black film criticism, it is amazing to me how people complain about the lack of quality Black entertainment (whether film or tv) and yet continue to give their $$$ to inferior products (like Tyler Perry films) or bash the folks who are trying to bring quality products to the masses. I’m not saying drink the Koolaid & think Red Tails is the greatest thing since sliced bread…but at least give it a chance. It may not be your cup of tea. But on the other hand, when there are projects that present Blacks not as drug dealers, hoes, pimps, child abusers, etc we should give those products the benefit of the doubt & err on the side of optimism. To automatically assume the film is garbage does everyone a disservice.

So now that I’ve given my thoughts, what did you think of Red Tails? And where do you stand on the controversy?

My Blackberry Bold was once good to me…but now it’s akin to walking around with a Razr…or even worse, a Zach Morris phone.

So now comes the hard part – picking a new phone. I don’t have a lot of requirements, beyond the following:

• It has to fit in my cute little clutches
• It can’t be a Blackberry
• Relatively easy to use – I need to do email, text, take pics, social networking, & use GPS
• On the Sprint Network

Clearly I haven’t gotten a new phone in a while cause there are way too many damn options on the Sprint website.

Just looking through the site, here are the ones I like so far:

iPhone 4s – obvious choice & what I originally thought I was going to get. Pros – small so it will fit in my clutches; tons of apps; easy to use; and finally on Sprint. Cons: I’m not calibrated to the touchscreen yet so I make a lot of typos

iPhone 4 – essentially the same argument as for the 4s, just $100 cheaper.

HTC EVO Shift 4G – the smaller version of the EVO, with a slide-out keyboard for those of us who like/need buttons. IDK how I feel about the slide-out keyboard, I feel like I’m back in 2005 using a Sidekick. Pros: small; got a keyboard; runs Android. Cons: battery life could be a problem later; bad reviews online.

Samsung Galaxy SII Epic 4G Touch – damn is the name for the phone so damn long??? Anyway, this phone is super cute & apparently very thin, which is a plus. Pros: thin & lightweight; good battery life; runs Android; large screen. Cons: GPS is buggy according to reviews: touch-screen only (no keyboard).

Nexus S 4G from Google – to me this phone doesn’t look much different from the Samsung phone in terms of appearance. Pros: runs Android; integration w/Google Voice (which I love & use A LOT); wi-fi. Cons: glitchy; freezes often; poor battery life.

Right now, just based on what I’ve seen before, I’m stuck between the iPhone 4/4s & the Samsung.

Any other phones I should look at? And most importantly, what should I get???

It’s been a year since BET brought The Game back to tv. The last season was…interesting. It left some to be desired…but sadly I couldn’t stop watching. So I’m back for Season 5.

When we last left the cast at the Season 4 finale, a lot was going on. Malik had confessed to fucking the team’s owner’s wife, & his boo had fallen off the wagon. Jason became a full-time parent to the new Brit Brat, who sucks btw. Kelly couldn’t get her shit together & went to go find herself. And Melanie & Derwin tried to have a baby with no success, which led them to a fertility clinic…and which led to Derwin asking Melanie about an abortion from her past. Yeah they left us with that crazy ass cliffhanger & they better answer it in tonight’s 1 hour premiere.

Aight so the season premiere opens with Melanie telling Derwin to come to grips with her having an abortion; Jenna laid out in Malik’s garage; Jason trying to defend himself with some random ass bottles. Weird. All that before the damn credits. What the hell do they have planned this season?

When we return from commercial break, we see that it’s 12 hours earlier. Melanie & Derwin are leaving the doctor’s office. Derwin’s pissed & wanting to talk about the abortion, while Melanie is fine & denying it ever happened. She leaves & winds up talking to herself outside. And then she runs into McHottie, that skanky doctor she was being all trashy with. And he makes this comment about not wanting kids & how Melanie knows that (hmmm….). Derwin arrives & there’s some non-witty banter between McHottie & Derwin – really we could have cut all this btw. Derwin’s clearly pissed….alrighty. Next up Jason & some random ass broad. They just fucked & now she’s leaving…oh wait, is that Selita Ebanks? Wow…anyway, Jason is all bitter abt some new football player & being corny. Switch to Malik carrying in Jenna’s drunk ass into his house, where Tasha tells Malik to call an ambulance or a doctor or something because she’s too far gone. She’s really fucked up, this is all bad….

Commercial break – already I see they are gonna cram as much stuff as they can into this season premiere. Alrighty then…

We return to Melanie & Derwin, AGAIN. This time they at home, and Melanie’s making dinner. Apparently its DJ’s birthday & they are hosting a party. Derwin keeps wanting to discuss things & Melanie shuts it down. Finally Derwin apologizes for letting her down & letting her have an abortion back in college, while Melanie looks at him like he’s crazy. She just makes a face but don’t say anything. The scene switches to Malik who is trying to nurse Jenna back to health. Tasha interjects in her sassy Black woman way & then collapses into tears. TeeTee consoles her with wings & a listening ear. But before he can really listen, Malik shows how dumb he is. Isnt he tired of playing the dumb blonde? Switch to Jason at the bar, being a dick to the bartender. Look its Brandy! She gives Jason some attitude to which he responds in his normal dickhead manner. He’s too light-skinned to be such an asshole. He gets Brandy fired #boooo. And….now we’re back to Melanie & Derwin – they are out & about & run into Trey Wiggs. Apparently he’s married now (to a Black girl) and has a kid. Derwin invites them to DJ’s party….and now we’re back to Malik’s dumb ass. He’s searching his house looking for Jenna. A wrinkly old White woman comes looking for Jenna with a gun in her purse. Damn really? Before we can process this, we’re back to Jason & the bad Brit Brat. She’s out kissing some White boy outside of the movies & Jason rolls up & shuts it down. He’s all offended that his daughter doesn’t like Black guys – ole hypocritical ass! Malik & Tasha are still looking for Jenna & Tasha tells Malik that he needs to cut Jenna lose. After Malik storms off, TeeTee tells Tasha that she needs to do what’s best for her, not for Malik (which is so true btw). Malik finds Jenna in the garage, laid out, either drunk or dead. Tasha assumes dead but that probably means she isn’t.

And we’re halfway through…damn I’m tired already! I need these writers to space out some of this stuff. We can’t have all this randomness in one episode.

We return to…you guessed it….Melanie & Derwin. And we see Derwin on the damn toilet #ewww #gross. Melanie asks how Derwin knew about McHottie & he responds that what’s done in the dark will come to light. Melanie takes that to heart & decides to confess that she was pregnant by…Trey Wiggs! Damn I was #teamtreywiggs too…anyway, he’s pissed off as you can imagine. He’s pissed that she told him but she stands by it. They have a hurtful ass argument where he says she killed a baby & is barely a doctor (that’s way harsh btw). And here comes Kanye in the background which means we’re about to switch to…Malik’s garage. Everyone is freaking out & the white woman comes in, stabs her in the chest a la Pulp Fiction & Jenna comes back. Apparently the White woman is a drug dealer – who knew? Jason the Jerk rolls up in his Prius & finds Brandy at the bus stop. He says some more asshole stuff & then gives a half-assed apology. He goes from offering to take her to Chili’s (wack!) to waking up somewhere in Mexico. He realizes that he & Brandy got married – whoops!

Time for a commercial. Aint this episode random as hell?

We return to Brandy explaining to Jason how they end up in Mexico & married. Random! Oh well. We switch over to Melanie who wakes up in bed alone, Derwin’s side wasn’t even slept in. And then we leave – weird! Now we’re at Malik’s. Apparently the drug dealer slept on the couch cause she waiting on her money. TeeTee again tells Tasha to leave Malik & look for herself but she refuses. And then gives the drug dealer a Black card to pay for Jenna’s drug tab. Who knew high-end drug dealers took AmEx? I learned something new.

Commercial again – anybody going to see Red Tails?

We return from the commercial to Jason trying to call San Diego. Brandy is giving her best Black girl with attitude impression. They into in an argument about race & Brandy tells me that he is ashamed to be Black & he wants to be White. After denying it, he gives some random ass anecdote about how Black girls didn’t like him when he was a kid. Cry me a damn river. So Jason loves White women cause they were down with him before he was a big football star. Oh well. Back to Melanie & Derwin – she’s decorating for DJ’s birthday party. He wants to talk & she shuts him down because the guests are coming soon. They start icing cupcakes & now Melanie wants to talk about how she did what she did cause she wanted to be with Derwin & he couldn’t handle seeing her with another man’s baby. She shares that Trey doesn’t know & that she stole money from Tasha to pay for it (remember in Season 2 when she got that knockoff?), Back to Malik & Tasha – Malik agrees to take Jenna back to rehab. And Tasha tells him not to make her regret taking him back as a client. Malik & Jason arrive at DJ’s bday party. BTW, Tommy that crumping clown is the entertainment – remember him? We get our first shot of Janay at the party. Derwin tells Melanie that he lets go of the abortion issue because of what Melanie has to go through dealing with Janay & DJ. Derwin & Melanie agree to make an honesty pact (shouldn’t they have done that BEFORE they got married? I digress…). Derwin goes out to get the gifts, and Trey Wiggs rolls up to the party. And Derwin turns & sucker punches him! Knocks him out cold. Lays him out! And then he goes back into the party like nothing happened.

And that’s the end.

Damn there was a lot of stuff in this episode! I don’t know how I feel about this season so far…whatever happens, it will definitely be full of drama.

I remember my first shot, I was 5 or 6 years old, and as most children are, terrified of needles & shots. I screamed bloody murder at my first injection…and then in the car my mother tore my behind up for acting such a fool. And so, I had to learn how to tolerate those shots. And as the years went on, it got easier and easier. And I progressed from weekly shots, to every 2 weeks, to finally, monthly injections. And then, at 16 or 17 years old, my doctor pronounced me allergy-free. I’m 29 now, and each year while I see people suffer when the pollen count increases, I’m totally fine.

As a child, I suffered through those shots so that now, I can enjoy life without allergies or hay fever or even worse, asthma attacks. At 6 years old, I wouldn’t have understood how those shots would benefit my future self, and how that momentary pain was more than worth the future advantages of an allergy-free life.

I thought of that story this morning, after leaving a meeting where I felt beat down & scolded. I’ve spoken before of the stress & anger I feel at this job, and my strong desire to be free from it. Yet I can’t deny that while difficult, this job has taught me a great deal. Not just about my industry & field, but about myself. Its given me skills that I use not only professionally, but personally as well. It has developed me into a better scientist, analytical thinker, and person.

But it hurt like hell. Just like those allergy shots I had a child.

Someone I follow on Twitter tweeted about how change is uncomfortable & we must get out of our comfort zones to grow & learn. I’ve believed that but more in an abstract way. But then it occurred to me – this job, this position that I hate, that challenges me & stresses me out & makes me cry occasionally in the lab - THIS is the uncomfortable position that we talk about. I’m way out of my comfort zone & that’s why this job is so hard for me. It’s not that I’m not smart enough, or can’t comprehend, or can’t articulate my thoughts. It’s just a completely different situation for me. It’s an uncomfortable situation – I’m the new girl, in a new industry, in a new company, with new responsibilities & pressures. Virtually nothing about this situation was comfy or familiar to me, and that’s why its been such a challenge.

But this uncomfy position has helped me learn & grow. And see that I’m capable of more than that I thought. That I’m smarter than I thought. That I’m stronger than I thought. And that when I need to, I can go to the mattresses & make it happen.

But damn it hurt to get here.

Was it worth it? I hope so.

I had a lot of time to think on Friday, while I was losing my mind prepping calibration standards and analyzing them (I need a new job! But I digress…). Somehow I started thinking about my childhood & how far I’ve come. When you’re a kid, you think life is so easy. You plan to breeze through college, get married, have a couple of kids, the house with the picket fence, and be a VP by day & a jetsetter by night all by the time you’re 30. And then you’ll be grown.

As I was in the lab running samples, I realized that I don’t feel grown. I still think of myself & view myself as in the process of becoming grown, but I don’t think I’m there yet.

Sure I’m an adult, and I’ve done/do a lot of adult things. I get up & go to work everyday even when I don’t feel like it. I pay bills first & make sure I have food, shelter, etc before I go out & play. I have a retirement plan, I read the newspaper cover to cover & care about things like politics. Sounds like adult stuff to me. But in my mind, I still see myself as young & carefree. When I think of an adult, I’m not the first thing that comes to mind.

So what exactly is being grown? I’m still not sure that I know. Maybe it’s a state of mind. A level of wisdom & maturity. A list of accomplishments. Or maybe it’s simply a state that one can only achieve by simply believing they are grown, in a Rene Descartes sort of way.

When will I start to feel like I’m grown? When did you feel that way?

So when I learned that he was coming back for another show, I was super excited. And so was my friend B – who not only hounded me about getting tickets, she tried to pimp me out via Twitter for better seats!

It was another late night show, doors opened at 10 and the opening band took the stage a little after 1030pm. Unfortunately, our seats weren’t as good as they were for the first show; we were 3 tables back from the stage & on the other side. But we still had a good view of the show.

The opening act - Boombox

Eric took the stage around 11PM & put on yet another great show. The set was pretty much identical to October’s show, even down to the jokes (booo) but it was still enjoyable. And I still love Eric’s voice more live than I do on CD. The end of the show was a bit different though, which was nice.

Eric & DMO - see how we're on the opposite side for this show?

One change was that instead of singing Lalah’s part on “Dealing” himself, Eric asked a young lady to come on stage. She didn’t know the words, but she has a great voice & she did a great job.

The young lady who said Lalah's part on "Dealing"

And of course, at the end of the night, Eric signed CD’s & took pics with everyone. I absolutely love that part, not many artists are that gracious with ALL of their fans. But he is. I didn’t get a pic this time, but I did have him sign a CD since I didn’t get one last time. B had to get another pic, OF COURSE, she’s turned into quite the ERRO stan.

Overall, even though the set was mostly the same from October, I really enjoyed the show. I adore Eric’s voice & it’s even better live. I was entertained, the music was great, and B was hilarious.

Next up? Might be Mint Condition in January, followed by Childish Gambino (again) in March.

Here’s the synopsis:

Sherlock Holmes has always been the smartest man in the room… until now. There is a new criminal mastermind at large – Professor Moriarty – and not only is he Holmes’ intellectual equal, but his capacity for evil, coupled with a complete lack of conscience, may actually give him an advantage over the renowned detective. Holmes’ investigation into Moriarty’s plot becomes ever more dangerous as it leads him and Watson out of London and across Europe, to France, Germany and finally to Switzerland. But the cunning Moriarty is always one step ahead as he spins a web of death and destruction – all part of a greater plan that, if he succeeds, will change the course of history.

I’ve been looking forward to this new Sherlock Holmes film for a while. I loved the first one, especially how much science, particularly chemistry, played a role in the film. Plus Robert Downey Jr is hilarious as Sherlock Holmes. Well A Game of Shadows doesn’t disappoint. Still hilarious, lots of action & an engaging mystery/plot. Unlike the first film, you know who the bad guy is in this film (Moriarty if you weren’t aware) but you want to see if Sherlock Holmes can outwit him.

Not as much science in this one as the first one, which was a bit of a downer. But the action scenes were great. The other downer is the limited screen time for Rachel McAdams; I enjoyed her character but she doesn’t play as large a role in this film.

This isn’t a Saturday night film, but its great for a matinée showing.

Did you see Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows? What did you think?

Here’s the synopsis from Yahoo:

Noah is a suspended college student, living at home with his single mom. When he is talked into babysitting the three, young, misfit kids next door, he decides to take them along on an attempted sexual rendezvous, and the night takes a wild and dangerous turn for the worse for which he is totally unprepared.

I immediately wanted to see this movie once I saw the commercials. When that little girl said “I let my haters be my motivators”? iDied from laughter. I just knew this movie was gonna be epic. Like The Hangover epic.

So basically Jonah Hill plays a loser fat guy in college, who is being taken advantage of by some skanky girl & can’t get his stuff together. He gets roped into babysitting so his mom can go out & meet some guy, and a crazy night ensues. The kids are a mess, and Jonah Hill is trying to get some coke to the skank who he wants to be his girlfriend. In between all this completely impossible & illogical stuff that happens in the movie, there are a few little “accept yourself & be awesome, you’re a winner!” moments sprinkled in.

Granted, I like Jonah Hill…but I always feel like he should be funnier than what he is. Even with Superbad, I didn’t die laughing like other folks. And The Sitter left me feeling the same way. There were some comedic gems that were hilarious…but the laughs weren’t non-stop like I expected.

Oh and in case it’s not obvious – don’t take a kid to see this movie. It’s extremely inappropriate…considering the movie opens with Jonah Hill eating the skanky chick out. Fair warning folks…

The two highlights from the film: Method Man (who is still fine btw) and Jonah Hill’s love interest (not the skanky girl) is a beautiful Black woman. Like seriously, I was like “damn she’s fine”. How often do you see that in a movie?

Overall, The Sitter left me wanting a lot more. It was like The Hangover 2 all over again – a film that over-promised & under-delivered when it came to the laughs. The little bit of eye candy couldn’t compensate for the lack of laughs & completely unbelievable plot. Wait until you see this movie for $5 or less (like when it’s at Redbox).

Did you see The Sitter? What did you think?