And then you start a relationship, and all that changes. And I wasn’t prepared for the changes. I’ve been so used to just doing me, that its taking me a bit to get back into the groove of thinking about someone else in addition to thinking about me.

Things that I don’t give a second thought about, he does. Things that I don’t care about, he wants to know every detail. Stuff that didn’t matter when we were just friends, matters now that we are a couple.

I think I took for granted how easy it would be to be in a relationship. I figured that if I was with the right guy, it would all come super easy. But no matter who I’m in a relationship, the adjustment is going to be hard. It’s a different experience. It’s a change, and change is always uncomfortable.

I also thought this would be easy because AS & I have been friends for so long. We know each other so well, and that was one thing that made me think our relationship would be comfy & easy. As well as we know each other, we know & relate to each other as friends. Knowing & relating to each other in a relationship? Totally different & not what I expected at all. In some ways, it feels like I have to get to know him all over again, and he has to do the same with me. It’s been frustrating coming to that conclusion.

As I navigate this transitional period, I find myself asking myself questions that I haven’t asked myself in a long time. Wondering just how far I’m willing to go for my relationship; how much I’m willing to sacrifice for the good of my relationship; if I’m making the right decisions – not just for me, but for us. It’s tough to go from being self-centered to trying to integrate your life with someone else’s. All I can do is give it my best effort & hope he’s doing the same.

When turning the corner from friend to significant other…how do you let go of the person you knew as a friend so you can get to know the person as your significant other?

Let’s see…where to begin…

The Job – well, I’m still there. I interviewed for a laboratory equipment sales position a few months ago, but I pulled out of the process because it didn’t feel right. If you’re keeping count, that’s 2 hiring processes that I’ve pulled out of since I’ve been in this job. I’m so afraid to walk into another bad or less-than-stellar situation that I have really paid attention to my intuition. So far, my intuition has told me to not to leap. But at the same time, I’m not happy. I don’t enjoy what I do anymore & it has severely affected my productivity. I need to find some type of way to get my enthusiasm up. I’m going to start my days with meditation & see if that helps my moods.

The Business – I had my first speaking engagements! I gave two presentations at my alma mater to a student group & they went great. I really enjoyed doing them & I know I’m making the right move with the business. Launching my career blog is going to take a little longer than I expected, but that’s ok. In the meantime I’m working on the paperwork side of my business & getting that site set up.

The Race – In case you forgot, I’m doing the Green Bay Half-marathon to raise money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Have you checked out my fundraising page? Click here! I’ve been training hard & my body is definitely changing. I’m getting faster & my fitness/endurance has gone up, which is great. I am 62% of the way towards my fundraising goal & I’ve got 7 weeks left. If you haven’t donated yet & would like to, please check out the click or the widget at the bottom of this page. Every donation is greatly appreciated!

The Personal Life – this part of my life has gone through the most changes in 2012. I started the year by having a party at my place, and at the end of the night I was drunk but coherent enough that I was sending a drunk text to…the Vegas dude. What did it say? “I still love you”, sent precisely at midnight his time. His response? “I don’t know what to say”. Yeah…the next morning as I nursed a hangover, I also nursed some hurt feelings at his response. After 2 weeks of no communication, we finally had a heart to heart…and realized that we wanted to be together. And now I’m a happy woman He’s great & so is our relationship.

Everything is great. Family is good, tho I miss them. I haven’t been home since Christmas. Minneapolis is still awesome, and thanks to the mild winter I was very social. The only less-than bright spot in my life is the job part…but I’m sure that will sort itself out soon enough.

What’s new with you?

Here’s the synopsis:

A fisheries expert is approached by a consultant to help realize a sheik’s vision of bringing the sport of fly-fishing to the desert and embarks on an upstream journey of faith and fish to prove the impossible possible.

Ok, that synopsis sucks, but that’s the best I could find. So I’ll summarize. Emily Blunt plays Harriet Chetwode-Talbot, who works with the Sheikh of Yemen & is trying to help him introduce the sport of salmon fishing to the Yemen. Ewan McGregor plays Dr. Alfred Jones, a government expert on salmon fishing (I can’t believe there govt experts on fishing!) who is reluctantly roped into the project. Over the course of the project, these two opposites grow fond of each other…but do they manage to making the fishing in the desert thing happen?

I’m so glad I was able to see this film! I caught an interview with Emily Blunt on NPR’s “Here & Now” recently, and I was very intrigued by the film. Plus I just love Emily Blunt – she was a scene-stealer in The Devil Wears Prada.

I was expecting a generic sappy romantic comedy – but this movie is genuinely funny! From the very beginning it was charming & entertaining. Ewan McGregor plays the role of the uptight, tactless, gruff, Type-A scientist very well. Emily Blunt has the patience of a saint, cause I would have cursed out Ewan McGregor in the first 5 minutes. They play well off each other.

The actor who played the Sheikh – I have no idea who he is, but he’s a cutie.

As much as I loved this movie, I hated the ending. This movie was a cute romantic comedy until the very end , and that’s when it veered into the sappy, generic, Hollywood, happily-ever-after ending. Blah. It was a great story up until that part.But even with the wack ending, I really enjoyed this film.

In this gem of a song, the ladies let their boothang(s) know that he needs to leave his laptop, bags, car, etc behind & just take what he came with, because “it all belongs to me” (or is it them, since they are both singing this song? I digress…).

Is this the new version of Beyonce’s Irreplaceable? Similar theme right – leave the stuff I bought you & get out cause you fucked up.

I might be out of the loop here…but are there really women buying men cars, clothes, laptops & other assorted trinkets in exchange for the longstroke & some companionship? Like really? I am so amazed. You always here about men who do these things, and for some folks it’s expected behavior. But how often do you hear about a woman tricking off on a man?

I admit – this is behavior that I just don’t understand. Sure, I’ve bought a few presents. I’ve paid for some dinners. But financing a lifestyle? Naw, Jubi can’t even get down like that. For one, I’m not ballin like that. And for two, any dude that would let me finance his lifestyle isn’t my type of guy anyway. Honestly, I wouldn’t even be cool with the reverse situation – sure I joke about finding a sugar daddy, but if the opportunity ever presented itself, I’d be too weirded out & uncomfortable to allow it to happen. Sure it would be nice to be a lady of leisure, but I would never actually go for it.

The only guy who would be getting high-priced and/or regular gifts from me, would be my husband. Buying the affections of some random guy seems like the fastest route to heartbreak.

So…where are all these women who are tricking off? Cause I don’t know any of these chicks. Are there women out here tricking off on random dudes, or is this one of those totally unrealistic scenarios presented by the music industry?

As I mentioned in several posts, I’m participating in the Green Bay Half-marathon this year, which is on May 20th.

Why would I agree to do such a thing? It’s for a great cause – I’m a member of Team In Training, which benefits the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS) is the world’s largest voluntary health organization dedicated to funding blood cancer research and providing education and patient services. Founded in 1949, LLS has invested more than $750 million in research, approximately $72 million in fiscal year 2010 alone. Research funded by LLS has led or contributed to advances such as chemotherapy, bone marrow and stem cell transplantation and new, targeted oral therapies. The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society’s (LLS) Team In Training
(TNT), has grown to be the world’s largest and most successful endurance sports charity training program. Since its inception in 1988, when a team of 38 runners trained together for the New York City Marathon and raised $320,000, TNT has prepared more than 500,000 people to achieve their dream of completing a marathon, half marathon, triathlon, 100-mile (century) bicycle ride or hike adventure. Those participants have raised a remarkable $1 billion to support blood cancer research and patient services.

So far, training with TNT has been a great experience. I feel myself getting more fit, and I’ve met lots of great people so far. And best of all, I know that I’m making a difference to someone who is living with cancer.

While I’m doing my part in the training for the Green Bay half-marathon…I can’t do it without the financial support of others. So far I’ve had over 15 people contribute to my fundraising goals – THANK YOU SO MUCH! I truly appreciate your support of my fundraising goal.

Wanna know how you can help me get to Green Bay on May 20th? Here’s four ways you can help me out:

*Donate – A donation would mean a lot, & help out even more. It’s so easy to do, just check out the widget at the bottom of this page, or follow this link to My Fundraising Page. I also accept checks & cash as well! Please use the Contact Jubilance page to shoot me an email & I can give you my mailing info. No donation is too small, and the best part, all donations are tax-deductible.

*See if your employer does matching donations – Lots of companies have philanthropic foundations which will match financial donations that their employees give. Here’s a link where you can check & see if your company offers matching donations, and what the requires are. If you’re company does offer matching funds, I’d love if you requested to have your donation matched by your employer.

*Spread the word – I’ve been emailing, mailing, tweeting, and facebooking about my fundraising & it’s been received well. To spread my message even further, I’d love if you can forward my emails, share my facebook status updates, and RT my links on Twitter. I’ve found that many people have been personally affected by cancer, especially leukemia & lymphomas, and I never knew until they shared their story with me. I have received donations from Twitter followers, blog readers & folks in between.

*Donate again (if you can) – If you’re so motivated, don’t feel that you are limited to only 1 donation

My fundraising goal is $2300 and so far I’ve raised $1000 – I know I can reach my goal with your help! Thanks so much for your support.

Shameless plug – I’m doing the Green Bay Half-marathon as part of Team In Training, to benefit the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. I’d love your support via a tax-deductible donation. There’s a widget at the bottom of the page, or you can follow this link . No donation is too small. Thanks for your help!

Have you ever said “it’s not me, it’s you” to someone? Did you actually mean it? Or was it just an excuse?

I have a confession – I have a really hard time breaking up with a guy. I’m absolutely horrible at it. Mostly because I always feel like a jerk, and a bad guy, even when I’m not.

It’s really easy to quit someone when they’ve treated you badly – lied to you, cheated on you, etc. But when there’s nothing really “wrong” but it’s still not right…that’s a harder situation. Sometimes the chemistry isn’t right. Sometimes you just meet someone who is a better fit for you. And then you have to have that uncomfortable conversation.

I’m terrible at this. Especially with the really nice guys, the guys that didn’t do anything wrong. These are normally the men that have been deemed the nice guys, or the good guys. You know, the type that is chivalrous, doesn’t try to make a move when you watch a movie while cuddling on the couch, who is sweet & respectful. These are the hardest guys to break up with because of the good guy factor. A lot of asshole dudes used to be good guys, who felt that they couldn’t “win” until they because an asshole. There’s a misguided assumption that all women like assholes, and some guys feel that they have to become one in order to get the woman they want.

Granted, there are some women who can’t appreciate a nice guy. I am not one of them. I love a nice guy…but there has to be other things there too. We still need chemistry, mutual interests, compatibility, etc. If one or more of those things are missing, then I wont be happy, no matter how nice the guy is.

And that’s where the breakup comes in.

When a guy hasn’t done anything “wrong” it’s so hard for me to say that I’m no longer interested. Or that I’m interested in someone else, or pursuing a relationship with another man. I always feel like the bad guy, like I’m doing something wrong. This fear I have of looking like a jerk during a breakup leads me to drag my feet with it. I’m super apologetic & I tend to talk my way around it, instead of being direct.

The same goes for telling guys that I know are interested in me, that I’ve decided to be in a relationship. Mostly because every time I’ve done it, I’ve gotten a strong response from the guy. And that just makes me feel even worse.

Recently I’ve had to give a few of these talks…and one went absolutely horribly. It went “you suck, I don’t wanna be friends & have a nice life” horribly…and I felt like such a jerk afterwards. Even though I didn’t do anything wrong, I still felt bad because someone else felt bad. My happiness is causing someone else to be sad…which is hard for me.

Maybe I shouldn’t care so much. But I do. It’s the Cancer in me – we’re empathetic & compassionate. And I never want to hurt someone, even unintentionally. Sometimes..it just happens.

It’s February, which means that training has begun for the Green Bay Half-marathon! I’m super excited to be participating with #TNT and raising funds for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society!

On February 4 #TNT had their kick-off event for the summer events, including Green Bay, San Diego, and Minneapolis races. I got a chance to meet my mentor, Tad, and my West Metro training coach, Seth. I also met lots of other mentors & volunteers like me who are committing their time & energy to raising $ & completing a great event.

B & I at the TNT Kickoff

Me, Coach Seth, & Julie

This Saturday was our first group run…and of course it had to happen the one day this winter where it was really cold! I woke up at 8AM & the weather channel told me it was 1 degree outside! Normally I’d NEVER agree to exercise outside in the middle of the winter, but I couldn’t bail on the first TNT group training. So I put on 3 layers of clothes, my hat & gloves & headed out the door.

Check out the crowd that greeted me in the parking lot at Lake Calhoun:

We were only outside for about 45 minutes, and during our time outside I got to meet others who are walking or run/walking. Yay, I’m not alone! LOL. It was a challenge, but I’m glad I made it out in the cold.

Our next group run is Wednesday night & i’m looking forward to it. As I continue to train, both alone & at group events, I’m reminded that I’m spending all this time sweating for a great cause. Go Team!!!

I really appreciate all the support that I’ve received so far, I have amazing friends & readers. I’d be  honored if you’d contribute whatever you can to my fundraising efforts, which all go to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Check out my fundraising page here – Jubi’s Marathon Donation page or check out the handy dandy donation box at the bottom of my blog. And please please please spread the word!

Thanks a bunch for all your support!

What’s Safe House about? Here’s the synopsis:

4 letters. 1 word. Depending on who you ask, it’s a noun or a verb.

How is it that such a small word can dominate our entire lives?

From birth, we crave love. As kids we love our families, our toys, our teachers. Then we grow older & we watch Disney videos & learn about that fairytale love – two people fall for each other & live happily ever after. And we hunt & search for that, the fairytale happily ever after love. We listen to songs about it, read books about it, watch movies where other people do it…and hopefully one day we get to experience it ourselves.

Love comes in so many packages. The love we feel for our family is different from the love we feel for our friends. The love we feel for our favorite restaurant is different from the love we feel for something we hold dear, like sleep, LOL. And even when we find someone we believe is special, we make distinctions between being in love & loving them.

Being in love is that fleeting, butterflies in the stomach, can’t stop thinking about them, ecstatic kind of feeling. It strikes like lightning & just as fast, it can disappear.

Loving someone requires much more. It’s not a quick thing. Loving someone takes time to grow, and it requires the right foundation – compatibility, mutual respect, true acceptance, and sacrifice. Love is there through the hard times – the disagreements, the annoyances, the times where you just don’t like each other.

Most people confuse being in love, or being in lust, or just really liking someone, as love. It’s easy to see why – being in love is exciting & makes you feel good. Loving someone & being loved, they feel good in a different sort of way. It’s an emotional security blanket, giving comfort & peace, but not excitement. Being in love is that rollercoaster ride, while loving someone is that ride down the lazy river.

In my post about unconventional thoughts on marriage, I talked about how marriages should be built on mutual benefit & compatibility. But how many people & start relationships based on those things? Not many. Normally it starts with physical attraction, then lust, then being in love & then hopefully, they have the mutual benefit & compatibility & it leads to love.

But what about friendships?

People make friends based on a commonality – go to the same school, work at the same place, live in the same building, have the same interests, etc. Most of us are friends with people that we not only have a commonality with, but a compatibility with. Think about it, most of our friendships are “easy” right? You just get each other? No drama? Exactly.

Mutual benefit? Absolutely. Maybe your friend & you help each other with things. Or complement each other. Or have a good working relationship that benefit you both. Whatever it is, there’s a reason why you’re friends, beyond the whole “we have something in common” thing.

So if our friendships are based on mutual benefit & compatibility….why don’t more people date & marry their friends? They should! It makes so much sense. With friends, we are more open, more vulnerable, more honest, and the people we truly are. Nobody presents their “representative” to their friends. Our friends love us & accept us for who we are, and we reciprocate.

And isn’t that what our romantic relationships should be about?

I don’t know about marriage…but I do know that the greatest love I’ve ever known, I found with a friend.

I got a huge crockpot a few years ago from Target, which is perfect for this recipe.

You need:

• 4 boneless skinless chicken breasts
• 1 can diced tomatoes (I actually used 2)
• 1 can coconut milk (I used the Trader Joe’s brand)
• 1 cup chicken broth
• Any veggies you wanna add – peppers, carrots, celery, etc – you can vary it
• 1 clove garlic (I use Trader Joe’s crushed garlic)
• Italian Seasonings – or you can try this with a variety of spices, let me know what you use
• Salt & pepper to taste

Basically, all you do is add all your ingredients to your crockpot. Stir & set on low & allow to cook for 9+ hours. At that point, your chicken should be easy to shred – I did this using a large fork & some tongs, but the chicken just fell apart. I gave it a final stir & this is how it looked.

Looks yummy right?

Looks good right? And it was too – flavorful & delicious & the chicken was tender. In this batch I used too much Italian seasoning, so next time I’ll probably cut back or vary what seasonings I use. But its a perfect cold day meal & easy to put together before you leave for work.

Enjoy!