I Love You Enough To Not Date You

So since the end of last year I’ve been loving this new Lloyd Banks song, I Don’t Deserve You.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcVaPa3I1H8]

So in the song he’s talking about really digging a chick, caring for her, knowing that they’d be perfect for each other…but leaving her alone cause he knows he’d be bad for her.

Huh.

On the surface it seems like a caring thing to do, to own up to ones “ain’t shit”-ness & say “You are too good of a person for me to fuck over so I’mma just not even fuck wit you”. But at the same time, shouldn’t caring for someone, especially someone who you care for, that you know is the right person for you, shouldn’t that be motivation to get your shit together? To stop being raggedy & start being the person they need you to be? To let go of the randoms, the gallivanting,etc?

As a woman, if a man hit me with this “baby, I can’t date you cause I’m too much of a fuck up for you” stuff, I’d be pissed. I’d think “why am I too good for him to treat like one of the randoms, but not good enough for him to get his shit together?”. Recognizing that you need to do better is only part of the solution – you have to go further & actually do better; simply recognizing what you need to work on is like only driving half the distance to your job.

The more I think about this, the more this whole idea just seems like a man running game to me. Maybe there is some sincerity behind it, but how strong can the feelings be if the person isn’t willing to change for someone they love?

Thoughts? Am I way off base here? Has someone ever said this to you?

 

  • “I’d think ‘why am I too good for him to treat like one of the randoms, but not good enough for him to get his shit together?'”

    Because you’re not. No one is.

    “Getting one’s shit together” is never about doing it for other people. Or, at least, it shouldn’t be (unless it’s for one’s children). That’s something a person does/should be doing for one’s self. The indirect beneficiary would be the person s/he is in a relationship with.

    IMO, someone saying they’re making a meaningful change JUST for the sake of dating someone is akin to putting on an elaborate front. Make changes to youself FOR yourself. THEN go out and tackle the debacle that is 21st Century dating.

    That’s my take on it, anyway.

    • I totally disagree with you… I look for women to motivate me to do better, cause damn, if women were not here, WTF is there to do…, But I found out (thank you shiftless negroes) that you can be failure in life AND still get a decent woman…

      http://www.slate.com/id/2286240/ (Sex Is Cheap)

    • Lisa

      THIS.

      I have nothing else to add.

      • Lisa

        By the way, I was agreeing with TheUndeniable, not Adonis. Adonis, this viewpoint is questionable because it puts the onus of your behavior on someone else.

  • *Big Kool-Aid Smile* I f*ck with b*tches head with that line… Sometimes I really do mean it, but most of time, the woman is acting like she is so above you, so I just give credence to that…

    It would be beautiful if there was one woman out there you could motivate me to get my ish together, but whatever…

  • Just Jeannie

    It’s only game if a woman plays along and plenty of women do go for it. They feel that they can stand by him and get him to change his mind and commit (ha!) to a serious relationship. Usually these women lose. Badly.

    If a man says he knows he’s no good for you take him at his word and then go live your life. Without him.

    • max

      Yup!

      • You know when you have made in life when MAX (G), commenting on your posts…

        • I do feel incredibly special, LOL