I Mean What I Say, Don’t Take It As A Challenge

Here’s a story for yall…

Over the summer, I was kicking it with the homies DN & SS at Uptown Cafeteria, which was my fave hangout last summer. It has a very fabulous rooftop & everybody was kicking it up there. Anyway, the three of us were having some dinner & drinks, enjoying the weather & the view, when I looked up & saw some serious eye candy. The man was yummy delicious yall. When my crew & I were leaving, we were stopped by the eye candy & we all chopped it up, and the eye candy & I wound up exchanging numbers.

We talked back & forth via text for a while, and then I started running into him regularly when I went out to my fave spot on Friday nights. We’d flirt & chop it up but we didn’t go out. It took several months for me to get a chance to talk to him 1-on-1, and when I did….it was a big let-down. He’s not my kinda guy for numerous reasons (40yo, 4 kids, twice divorced, and not the brightest bulb in the box). So I put him in the “casual acquaintance” category & kept it moving…yet he was persistent. After months & months of pestering me, I finally agreed to meet him for drinks.

And just like I thought, our one & only date was a bust. We have ZERO chemistry, yet he had a lovely time *sigh*. So much so, that he continues to ask me out. OFTEN. And I keep saying no. And telling him why. Yet he does not believe me. For why?

Men, why do yall do this? A woman tells you straight up, point-blank, that she’s not fucking with you, and yet somehow yall see that as a green light? Really? Are you not hearing what we’re saying? Or are you conditioned to not stop at “no”? (bad move btw, no means no fellas, all the time). A woman who doesn’t want to date you, who doesn’t want to sleep with you, is not a challenge. She’s simply not interested. There are plenty of parched women who would love a little bit of your attention, why waste it on a woman who doesn’t want it?

My strategy is to keep up the good fight & hope that he finally realizes how serious I am about not having any type of dating situation with him. Let’s see what happens. Granted, I know I probably should have cut it off & been more forceful about it months ago. I have a problem with that tho, and I was hoping he’d give up & move on to a woman that is less than a challenge. Sadly, he’s kept up the good fight *sigh*.

Any suggestions on how to handle this? Can the men please explain why yall do this?

  • M.

    It’s simple and like gambling..some guys just don’t know when to quit. Also some guys make everything a competition. The woman either likes you or she don’t, that’s why you have to let her choose you. Otherwise you look foolish. I’d say just ignore the calls.

  • there are times when persistence can take you a long way with certain women. a lot of women complain about men not being assertive enough and turn around and complain about men being overly asserive. if you don’t want to deal with him then ignore him. he’ll eventually get the point. if not he’ll take your open communication as a sign that you’re interested.

    • I can ignore his texts, the problem is that we run into each other a lot when I’m out. I can’t just not speak to someone, that’s rude.

  • It’s the hang around theory. Some bruhs have employed the hangaround assuming that if they just stay in your sphere at some point they’ll catch you slipping and they’re in. It’s lame, it’s thirsty but it’s been known to work so it’s still around. You’re gonna have to be rude. Like “you got no chance in hell wearing gasoline boxers” rude.

    • I was hoping to avoid being a jerk, but it seems I have no choice *sigh* Thanks.