Just Cause Random Dudes Approach You, That Doesn’t Always Mean There’s Something Wrong With You

In my years of dating, I’ve had my fair share of  randoms who try to holla. You know what I’m talking about – those guys who clearly have ZERO CHANCE of getting a reply, much less your number or a date. Everything from them is wrong – the approach, the dress, the language, etc. Its just wrong wrong wrong.

Generally, when a woman (or a man for that matter, but I’m not a man so IDK how true this is) keeps attracting the same type of men, especially randoms that you would never even want to sit next to on the bus, ppl give the same type of advice. It’s always “Well what are you doing to attract all these randoms? It must be something about you that keeps attracting them. Figure out what you’re doing wrong & fix it & then you’ll be set.”

Yeah…..NO.

Listen, you can’t control what man approaches you. I really wish it was that simple, but it’s not. In fact, the most undesirables are the ones who approach EVERY WOMAN they see! Literally. It’s a numbers game for them – the more women they approach, the more likely they are to get a “yes” from at least one woman. They don’t care who the woman is, they are gonna approach & try to holla. That’s not a reflection on the woman. It’s not like they skip trying to holla at certain women, they holla at EVERYONE.

I’m sure someone is going to say something like “well if  you’re dressed a certain way you’ll attract certain dudes”. And to that I say STFU & you don’t know what you’re talking about. Rachets & randoms don’t give a fuck what you’re wearing, I’ve had undesirables try to holla when I was in business suits, turtlenecks, hell I could have been wearing a nun’s habit & they still would have tried to holla & would have been inappropriate.

If someone knows a way to keep undesirables from approaching, please let me know in the comments.

Ladies, if you’re having trouble with the randoms approaching you, don’t let it get you down. It happens. Just let it roll off your back & keep it moving. But don’t believe that bullshit advice that something is wrong with you just because the wrong men approach you. It’s not always about you.

BTW, do men every deal with this? Just curious. I figured this was a woman-specific problem.

Thoughts?

  • Beth

    If it happens quite often that the same type of man approaches you whether they have a chance or not…YOU are giving off some sort of vibe to get them to come to you…I truly believe that…

    So I guess I disagree with you on this one…

    if something like this happens more than once…I’m not so quick to say it’s them and not me…I will step back and look at myself and see what role I played in the situation…

    • I don’t agree. I can be minding my biz, mean “don’t approach me” face on, no makeup on, bummy clothes, etc & I can still get approached by randoms. I’ve been super sick (strep throat, flu, etc) & look like death warmed over & still be approached with nonsense. And I know I’m not alone in this.

      What kind of vibe do you think women are putting out? Can you elaborate on that part?

    • This is one of those phenomenons I cannot explain, but I know it is true…

      I will have to side with Beth on this one…

      Although you are RIGHT, men will approach you no matter what you are wearing (the more sexy, the more men approach)

      Back to Beth, Energy makes the world go round… & although I don’t have a deep understanding of it, I can say to some degree you are contributing to those bumass ninjas approaching you…

      I will also say this, I take 90-95% percent responsibility of the sh*t that happens to me… Life is easier when you can control the situation…

      Playing the victim is wack…

      And because us men do not get approached by women, we have a hard time feeling sorry for women with those type of problem…

      Jubi, do you carry pepper spray, stun gun… I think in MN, it is legal to carry one (unlike NYC it is a misdemeanor)

      • Beth

        I have nothing else to add…well said…

  • Just Jeannie

    I would like to think that it’s my generally pleasing demeanor that attracts men. I’m a smiler. I can’t help it. If the sun is shining and the weather is nice, I’m a grinning fool. Usually my smile is what randoms compliment first.

    I smile even bigger when I tell them I’m not interested and keep it moving. I’m not going to change my demeanor (or hair or dress or “insert generic advice here”) in hopes of discouraging a random because I may inadvertently put off a good one too.

  • no name

    I read your blog but never comment. I agree with you Jubi. Randoms are thirsty, I have been at the hospital and randoms holla in the waiting room. Randoms want easy sex. You don’t know who is easy and who isn’t so just approach them all and sort it out later.

    • And I don’t blame the randoms because, simply women will not approach them… Another reason why I have a hard time feeling sympathy for the women who get approach endlessly by low quality men

  • mrbabyhands

    Likewise, a chick who entertains randoms can become less approachable to guys who prefer chicks with higher standards. So if you’re going to turn down a scrub, do so with the quickness.

    At the least, it’ll impress the quality men who may be paying attention.

  • LM

    I agree with you Jubilance in that I cannot be blamed for the randoms who approach me. I know guys play the numbers game and will approach several women knowing that if they do it enough, at least one will entertain at least a conversation. That’s out of my control. It’s like one of the commenters said just get rid of them quickly. I think some women mess up by letting the guy run his game instead of shutting him down the moment she realizes she’s not into him.

    • I think some women mess up by letting the guy run his game instead of shutting him down the moment she realizes she’s not into him.

      I will agree to disagree on the first part…

      One of the things that alot of guys who talk to women REALIZE is that smooth talking WORKS, and he may start out unattractive, but if he gets enough time, he can change his opinion of her…

      “Give me five minutes to talk away my ugly face and I’ll bed the Queen of France” -Voltaire