I had a very interesting convo with a friend today via email. We were discussing dating & when is it time to get rid of the team & be exclusive/monogamous with your #1 draft pick.
His response was “I would say NEGATIVE, do not send the other dudes packing until it has come out his mouth that he wants you to only be with him. No guess-work or forming opinions; either he says it or not. You are available until he says otherwise…Honestly, I wouldn’t drop anyone else until I had a ring on my finger (that is what I would tell my daughters). Either way, you dropping the other callers is all up to his plan of action forward.”
I pressed him to explain some more, and that’s when he said: “I would say monogamous exclusive as it relates to sex but dating, keep the team on deck People are so fickle as it relates to committed relationships; hence some women can be with a man for 10 yrs and never get a ring, all because they were exclusive and the dude didn’t want the married title. At that point, she done let all the potentials get away and feels destined to be stuck where she is. If she had only kept some team members, she might have options (let alone letting it go 10 yrs). Anyway, when a man see’s or senses that there is someone else vying for his lady’s time he will more than likely pick up the pace. All I am saying is keep options, until you know for sure he is for real about the business, even up until engagement. This can be easily done by being honest, “I am seeing someone serious and you and I are just friends”.”
Hmmm….interesting. And totally flies against most folks ideals. A lot of folks are anti-team & believe dating one person at a time is the way to go. Others are cool with a team, as long as it’s not serious. But can you really be serious with one person, but still have some options lurking in the background?
It’s no secret that I’m on Team Date More Than One Person At A Time. But having a “just-in-case” dude for when the bf doesn’t act right? Never done it. It seems counter-intuitive to the idea of moving towards a goal of marriage or at least a longterm relationship. Hedging your bets is great, but when it comes to matters of heart, it’s not always possible. At some point you have to go all-in, and you can’t be all-in if you have second- and third-string players waiting to get into the game. Though on some level, you could argue that anytime you date more than one person at a time, you essentially have a primary and a backup (or several backups). That’s still not the same as having a bf/gf & then side folks waiting to get it in.
Thoughts? Is my friends strategy smart or misguided?