Reconnection with an old friend, and other random things…

I think I mentioned this in the old blog, but someone from my past has been on my mind a lot for the past couple of months….This person is “E”, who was the subject of several posts in my old blog, Confessions of a Grad School Slave. Well, the last time we talked, it was ungood. And he went off to China and I moved to Orlando and he wasn’t a part of my life. And then one day I woke up and I realized that I missed my friend. I struggled with whether or not to contact him, given the way that our last conversation went, but I bit the bullet and did it anyway. And surprisingly, he called and we had a good conversation. It was great to hear from him, but it also presented another problem.

What’s the problem? Well, I still have these strong feelings for him. Feelings that I don’t feel are reciprocated, which means that I can’t share those with him, cause I couldn’t take the rejection.

F*****e thinks that I should just suck it up and tell him, but its not going to happen (so forget it homie!). At this point, I will just be happy with having him back in my life as a friend. I hope that one day the feelings that I have for him will dissapate with time, or that I can meet someone else who will have such an effect on me. But at this point, E is the type of man that I want to settle down with, he is the man that I want to settle down with, but I just cannot communicate that to him.

TS is a great friend. He’s always good for boosting my ego, giving me some much needed advice and encouragement, and making me laugh at the same time. Last night, he was like “Man, I can’t believe you are a chemist! That is crazy! But for real, I’m so proud of you, you doing it.” When I told him that being a chemist isn’t attractive to a lot of men (at least the ones I meet), he replied that those are the men I don’t want to deal with, and not to stress it, cause there is something much better out there for me.

That comment made me feel good…Cause he’s right. And I appreciate that he was geniunely looking out for me. After dealing with all these fake, unloyal and untrustworthy folks, I was reminded that not everyone in my life is out to get me.

  • Anonymous

    Boo. Couple errors above. How do you edit this thing?! But I meant to say “I thought you weren’t going to live your life with regrets.” – J

  • Anonymous

    Once again, you are settling for less than you are worth. Why would your feelings dissapate with the only ma you feel you could settle down with right now? If you rekindle the friendship, you’ll just continue to see how fabulous he is and torture yourself with liking someone you can’t have. I thought you weren’t going to live your life w/o regrets. Anything worth having is worth fighting for. How would you feel if 30 years from now you found out he was feeling you too? That’s a lot of wasted time. Rejection is always a possiblity, but it’s also a possiblity that you could get the person you’ve always dreamed of. He’s in China, no better time to put yourself out there than now. If you don’t get the answer you want, he’s in an entirely different continent. Good luck! – J