I got a whole bunch of thoughts in my brain so this post may be real stream-of-consciousness…just go with it, k?
So I had dim sum w/my friend EP & his almost fiancee, and he said to me “So what’s up with this guy in Vegas?” He was referring to AS…I thought it was funny considering that AS has only been mentioned specifically once in a recap post – he hasn’t even gotten an entire post yet! I thought EP asking about him was just an anomaly, until I had dinner w/a different friend later that night & she asked abt him too, along with when I’m going back to Vegas.
Ok…so I’m not being as low-key about it as I thought I was. I think I still assume that people aren’t reading this & that I’m just talking to myself. I’m always surprised when I find out someone is reading, and even more surprised that they are remembering what’s going on with me.
I’ve been blogging for a long time, and throughout it all I’ve tried to stay semi-anonymous (by not using my name, where I work, etc.). And that also means that there’s a lot of stuff I haven’t written about. Some stuff y’all just don’t need to know, while other stuff I’ve kept to myself out of insecurities. Perfect example – relationship stuff. There are plenty of dates, crushes, heartaches that I could have written about, but I haven’t. Mostly cause I don’t to seem like more a train wreck & a failure in the relationship dept than I already do. Plus sometimes I feel like by talking about my dates or crushes, I somehow jinx myself – yes I know its all in my head…but too many times I’ve really liked a guy, gushed about him to my friends, blogged about him & then gotten my face cracked & my heart stomped on. I do feel foolish when I really like a guy & it blows up in my face…and its even worse when people start asking about him & you have to explain what happened.
I’m an avid blog reader, and some of the blogs that I read, the author is an open book. It takes a lot of courage to put your fears, your insecurities, your failures out there for people to see – and judge, cause you know people love to judge. Thats probably been the biggest reason why I haven’t put more of my life on the blog…there’s some stuff I want to write about (like my weight loss) but my fear of “jinxing it” comes up once again.
I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and I want to share more of who I am on the blog. Not just whats going on now, but also the stuff that shaped me & lead me to who I am now. I got A LOT of stories, some good, some bad, but all entertaining & most are hilarious. While I’m dealing with figuring out what of my current life I want to share, I hope yall read some of the old stuff.