For the record, I don’t know what exactly brought this topic to mind. I was in my room, I think looking for something to wear, and I started thinking of my love life for some strange reason. And I didn’t feel good about it. I felt…like I was somehow behind the ball & doing something wrong.
I definitely felt like a loser while I was home for Christmas. Both of my brothers are married & have kids, and my baby sister (who is 8 years younger) brought her new boyfriend to meet the family. He’s a nice guy & all that…and after they left, I realized that I’m the only one without someone to bring home for the holidays. And I’m the oldest! How did this happen?
I love my family & they don’t make my relationship status a big deal…but I don’t really wanna go home for another Christmas with the family & be uber-single like I am *sigh*
I don’t just feel like a loser because I’m not in a relationship. It happens.
I feel like a loser because 1) no one’s interested in me & 2) I am cursed with always liking guys who don’t live in my city. Always. This isn’t exclusive to Minneapolis – every city that I’ve lived in, I’ve connected with & liked guys who didn’t live in my city. Where are the guys that are in close proximity, that can actually take me on a date & cuddle & hold hands & stuff? The guys that I want to do those types of things with (including the one I like right now) are always a plane ride away…and that’s just so hard. After the Vegas dude, IDK if I’m up for it again. But what other alternative do I have? 🙁
I’d love to be one of those women who is ok with no/limited male attention & companionship in my life, but I’m not. I need it. I crave it. And the fact that I don’t have it…I feel like I’m doing wrong & every other woman is out here doing something right, even the most ratchet of the ratchet. Not that I think I’m more deserving of a relationship or love or anything else…I just wonder “why not me?”
I think of all the things I haven’t done in a relationship or have had limited experience with, and they seem like such elementary things…taking a trip with a boo, meeting the extended family, having mutual friends, a regular schedule of when we see each other, etc. I wonder & worry if I’ll ever get to do those things.