The Adjustment Period

It’s been a while since I’ve been in a serious relationship. A long while. I’ve enjoyed my single life quite a bit. Being single, you live your life a certain way. You come & go as you please, you can flirt with whoever catches your eye, and you have carte blanche to think solely about yourself. You get used to just doing you & living that single, carefree life.

And then you start a relationship, and all that changes. And I wasn’t prepared for the changes. I’ve been so used to just doing me, that its taking me a bit to get back into the groove of thinking about someone else in addition to thinking about me.

Things that I don’t give a second thought about, he does. Things that I don’t care about, he wants to know every detail. Stuff that didn’t matter when we were just friends, matters now that we are a couple.

I think I took for granted how easy it would be to be in a relationship. I figured that if I was with the right guy, it would all come super easy. But no matter who I’m in a relationship, the adjustment is going to be hard. It’s a different experience. It’s a change, and change is always uncomfortable.

I also thought this would be easy because AS & I have been friends for so long. We know each other so well, and that was one thing that made me think our relationship would be comfy & easy. As well as we know each other, we know & relate to each other as friends. Knowing & relating to each other in a relationship? Totally different & not what I expected at all. In some ways, it feels like I have to get to know him all over again, and he has to do the same with me. It’s been frustrating coming to that conclusion.

As I navigate this transitional period, I find myself asking myself questions that I haven’t asked myself in a long time. Wondering just how far I’m willing to go for my relationship; how much I’m willing to sacrifice for the good of my relationship; if I’m making the right decisions – not just for me, but for us. It’s tough to go from being self-centered to trying to integrate your life with someone else’s. All I can do is give it my best effort & hope he’s doing the same.

When turning the corner from friend to significant other…how do you let go of the person you knew as a friend so you can get to know the person as your significant other?

  • Monica

    I totally understand how you feel.  I recently ended a relationship because of this very issue.  We both had been single for quite some time and the adjustment period was too for him.  We just couldn’t quite sync up.  Lord knows we tried.  I will say that if this relationship is what you truly want, please be patient and let it get “THERE”.  The adjustment period IS hard but you can get past it. I know it’ll all work out. 🙂