I met Jacksonville* when I lived in Orlando. I don’t remember who messaged whom first, but I was intrigued by him. He was a “good on paper” guy – educated, passed the FL Bar, seemed to be successful. When we first met, it wasn’t a good fit, mostly due to some false advertising.**
We didn’t interact for almost a year, when he called me out of the blue and asked to take me to dinner. I was a bit apprehensive, but agreed to dinner, and was pleasantly surprised. There was some chemistry…some interesting conversation…a bit of a spark. One dinner led to another, and that led to weekend days spent in Jacksonville or Orlando; shopping, eating, playing mini golf, and enjoying each others company.
Yet something was not quite right. I couldn’t put my finger on it at first. Sure, we liked each other. We liked spending time together. But I wasn’t hungry to spend time with him. He didn’t consume my thoughts. I didn’t daydream about him. And he didn’t give me butterflies. He simply didn’t do “it” for me.
But why? And why was I trying so hard to make it fit?
I’d love to say that I had an epiphany, but it didn’t exactly work that way. I basically got tired of dealing with him. Jacksonville was a good dude, and good on paper, but we had some differences that we weren’t ever going to get over. He is a traditional man…nothing wrong with that. But he would never admit to being traditional & would pretend that he was more modern/progressive than he really was, which caused conflict. We had a little conflict here & there…until one day where everything just came out & he told me that he “dates women that look like Beyonce”. I suppose he said it to hurt my feelings or make me suddenly “act right”. I just laughed & told him to go find his Beyonce look-a-like & keep it moving.
The infamous Beyonce conversation wasn’t our last interaction, but it was the moment when I knew it was done. I saw no point in continuing to force something that clearly didn’t fit or work. A few weeks later I decided to accept a new job & leave Florida – so ending my involvement with Jacksonville seemed like it happened at the right time.
Months went by & then I started getting txt messages from a number I hadn’t seen in a while. Stuff like
“I miss you”
“I’ve been thinking about you”
“I wanna kiss you”
*sigh* I’ve already written about men who try to do those check-in calls/txts to keep a window of opportunity with a woman. I don’t go for those – they are a waste of everyone’s time, since I don’t do relationship do-overs. I knew the txts wouldn’t stop unless we had a conversation, so I bit the bullet and answered when he called. And I explained to him that while he was a perfectly nice guy, he wasnt the right guy for me & I wasn’t the right woman for him & no amount of time spent together would change that.
So many of us talk about the opposite sex being good on paper; we run resume stats when debating whether or not to date someone. Its assumed that two educated, successful people should date each other simply because they both are educated & successful. The majority of the time, those resume stats aren’t reason enough to maintain a relationship or dating situation. Neither is just liking someone or enjoying their company. Yet so many of us try to make relationships work based on those factors, and have limited success, if any.
*not his real name – you know how I gotta have a nickname for every guy in my life. As the name denotes, he lived in Jacksonville. **the false advertising will be a post for later this week.